music

fall by numbers

blog photo

 

I’ve got an extremely complicated relationship with Fall. I can remember feeling unhappy in the third grade for the first time during the season because my mom made me go to church choir against my will, but that is definitely another story for another time.

this playlist contains music dating back to my freshman year of high school, when I started to make a point to try to remember song association. The latest tracks are from last year. A lot of songs chronicle growth, heartbreak, triumph, and other lessons that occurred with leaves turning orange.

I hope you enjoy this playlist! Let me know, and I will post more from my Spotify library.

 

 

Advertisements
favorites

Trash by Taylor: August favorites

hot

(hey, hi, it’s me. i know it’s been a long time, but i’ve just been trying to live life, y’know?)

August was a weird month. It was one of those months where you find yourself as a character in a coming-of-age film, but John Hughes didn’t write your film, so there is a whole lot more flailing than falling in love with Jake Ryan, or something. My graduation from college became official with the very unexpected arrival of my diploma on my doorstep, when I was anticipating a cassette tape rack. I went to the beach and got to eat a Whataburger, and I got caught up on the different documentaries about Princess Diana, while the ocean roared in the background.

Continue reading “Trash by Taylor: August favorites”

the tube

prom sch-mom

bh90210

(there’s spoilers after the “Read More” tag!)

I have a pretty fierce relationship with television. I was always happiest as a young girl when I was plopped in front of the television; my strongest  early childhood memories are of commercials and cartoons. When I grew up a bit, I realized I was trying to finding meaning and answers within the world and TV was a pretty big help with trying to understand myself and everything around me. I think I can get “professional TV nerd” printed on any future business cards.

Last night I was watching Beverly Hills 90210, a past time I try to hide from my loved ones. My last roommate would leave the room whenever I sat down to indulge in some high school soap. I realized I shouldn’t hide my love for the classic show, because I could identify myself within the characters, and I think that is justification for enjoying some cheese. Anyway, my cosmic kinship with the show began with the penultimate episode of the first season, “Spring Dance”, where the spring dance (of course) is the biggest event of the year, and each character starts to slowly lose themselves in its hair-sprayed mayhem.

In high school, I was definitely no Kelly Taylor and I only looked like Brenda Walsh. I had a bunch of guy friends, but no boyfriend, and this really plagued me during dance season. I rolled my eyes at the “spring flings” in my first two years because they were child’s play compared to the junior and senior proms to come. When my senior prom came around, I was totally and completely an Andrea, heartbroken by my main man’s interest in the most beautiful elite of the school, and staying home on prom night to find solace in the campy horror films I was so sure defined my situation.

Continue reading “prom sch-mom”

poems

coffee fueled suburbia

20663492_197645137439321_897050635_o

and it’s every note

some of which don’t get played

but they’re sounding good to me

because they sound like you

 

even though you once said,

“everything you write is essentially the same” or something like that

but isn’t that okay when you’re looking for something to make you be still?

 

maybe if i knew how to play

an instrument or something

the notes might be different,

but i’d hate to disappoint you,

a whole lot about me is different

but i can say

i love you all the same as i did when i was a kid

 

but it’s alright because i’ve kept that

and i’d rather have that

than find my head

because you took it when you were fourteen,

even though we both had no idea what that means

but i’ll take it anyway

because my headless existence tells me

it’s alright again

 

i discovered i put you in a box and kicked it under the bed

it stuck out from under the corner and i couldn’t pretend

i never got it out and blew off the dust

and the action sometimes rattled some cages

 

i’ve never known anyone to love

me through my slow transition into a garbage pail kid

it might be what i want to do

even as morning turns into noon

and you’re out there somewhere becoming the best person you can be

and you’re healing and breathing and walking through the world

you might trip again

i want to see you through this

and whatever “that” is.

it makes sense to me

we are in our “that” phase

i wake up some days

and want to define it like the weird trait your friend has, or that breakfast i eat every day.

though i’d never want to drag you into a world

of a coffee fueled suburbia

because that song you like

told me you’d hate it

 

coffee fueled suburbia

could be what you think of me

and there isn’t any appeal because it would be all down hill from there

i think that way about myself but wonder where you are now

putting the right amount of sugar in your coffee to fuel your city

population you

trash by taylor

freshMEAT: What I wish I had known when I started college

377303_4452409116764_1617383106_n

(Me, following my first weekend home from college with clean clothes!)

I saw a tweet this morning from a girl who would be starting college in a few weeks. Her tweet struck me, and woke me up from this weird state of bliss and lit a fire; I will not be going to college in a few weeks. Ever again. That period in my life is over. College was now something I could refer to and file away as a “period” in my life. I can somehow relate to Twitter Girl’s excitement, like I was feeling it surge through myself, but at the same time, I could not feel more removed from her major transition.

I really do envy her excitement because I’m now in the period of looking at my freshman year of college in hindsight where I sometimes stay awake at night and wonder WHY I did THAT or HOW IN THE WORLD DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS ONE THING THAT WOULD HAVE SAVED ME SO MUCH STRESS? My first semester of college was among my hardest semesters of my college career and frankly, they were some of the hardest times in my entire life and I am so determined to make sure I can give advice to people starting college to prevent some of my craziest nightmares!

Continue reading “freshMEAT: What I wish I had known when I started college”

eats

Holler & Dash- Nashville, TN

holleranddash.jpg

(The “Chicken, Set, Go” biscuit from Holler & Dash)

I had never been to Holler & Dash or had heard of a “biscuit only” restaurant until recently, and I’m really sold on the concept after my first visit! I went to Holler & Dash with my best friend for the first stop of my Birthday Extravaganza a few weeks ago, and I’m glad we chose H&D for our first stop! The atmosphere is very laid back; it reminded me of being in your friend’s kitchen if it had enough room to fit tons of people! It’s bright and inviting, and really sets the mood for a perfect Sunday brunch!

I ordered the “Chicken, Set, Go” biscuit because I couldn’t decide what type of mood I was in. The combination of honey and jalapeno on top of the chicken provided the right mix of sweet and spicy so I didn’t have to make that decision! Holler & Dash offers many other menu items that provide a combination that might sound weird on paper, but make me really want to go back.

If a place doesn’t have plenty of coffee options, I’m not likely to survive my meal. Luckily Holler & Dash has a ton of cool (literally and figuratively) coffee options. My best friend and I are massive coffee drinkers, so the appropriate action was to order the Stumptown Nitro Brew, which made for my pal’s fifth cup of coffee for the day! She said the experience was alright, but it might’ve been disrupted by her large daily coffee intake. The cashier warned us that it was going to be a doozy. I’m definitely going to order a cup for my first cup of the day sometime.

If you’re into a place for a quiet brunch with friendly staff and a sunny atmosphere, Holler & Dash would make a good choice! Check out their website here for a full menu and location list! I hope to continue writing about food. I dig eating, so I don’t think this will be the first and last post you see of some good eats!

favorites

Trash by Taylor’s July favorites

19047176_168909793646189_37346433_o

This is my first “favorites” post and I’m pretty excited about it! July was a good month. I’m a little biased because I was born in July and love the heart of the summer! I’ve gathered a few things this month that have gotten me through the heat and the thought of getting older and life decisions; I always get really pensive around my birthday, and I think a lot about change. My favorite stuff this month has helped with change and the idea of moving on, and they have definitely helped with the process!

Things

~~~~~~

20590844_195205731016595_1016359789_o

Don’t Stress Meowt Journal from Charming Charlie: I’ve been keeping a journal since I was in the fourth grade, and this birthday gift was  a pretty purrfect contribution to my love for the kitties! The journal also features a cute “C” bookmark charm for Charming Charlie, to keep your place for when you get tired of writing various C words in your journal.

20615439_195205694349932_2077759780_o

Vanilla LED Candles       from TJ Maxx: I’m going through a big LED candle phase right now and these are pretty perfect. They come with a timer and a remote, and they’re really relaxing and make me feel like I’m getting stuff DONE.

July TV Favorite (and quickly became favorite show of all time)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

20598033_195205624349939_725185594_o

I started Breaking Bad at the end of May after everyone else in the world, and it was phenomenal and I have no idea WHY I waited four years after its conclusion to start watching, but I’m so glad I got around to it. I finished the show two weeks ago, and I don’t think I’ll be the same person ever again or watch TV quite the same. If you’re able to watch the show with your grandmother, then I HIGHLY recommend you do!

Music

~~~~~~

https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/227erflpbxb3ard7tkt5yhe6i/playlist/21O2xdCKFLn8H0IQsmHbEN

I made a mini playlist of my discoveries this month featuring Sun Seeker, HAIM, Liza Anne,  Leon Bridges, and selections from the Baby Driver soundtrack, because good lord.

I hope you enjoy some goods and sounds for your summer! I’d like to do this every single month. What are you into this month? Give me a shout and let me know!

 

 

 

trash by taylor

throwing a fit about zits

zitfaceblog

Hi, internet! This is my unfiltered face and sometimes I really don’t like it. I’m thankful for Instagram because I can choose filters to take the focus away from my acne. Sometimes my mother will volunteer to use photo editing apps to take the zits away. This is my relationship with acne as a 24-year-old, and it’s definitely not the kind of relationship fourteen year old me would want to know I was (still) having with my acne a decade later.

I feel like I’ve become someone who is pretty vocal with letting you know her discontent with her acne. I know many of my friends know this story and are tired of hearing it, but it’s pretty crucial in my “journey” with acne, so, here goes:

Acne became a constant fixture overnight from the day I became a teenager. In 7th grade, I wasn’t popular at ALL and was bullied pretty badly because I was in the midst of exploring my personality and delighted in some pretty weirdo interests to my peers; I felt like the only 13-year-old after 1983 who spent her time preaching the gospel of Sting. When I started showing up to school with acne around the same time the other girls were starting to experiment with make up, I felt like it was the talk of the town at school; little red blotches spotted on Taylor’s face were totally not the result of a new shade of blush.

One of the most popular girls came up to me in the hallway one day and presented me with a bottle of Clearasil Ultra, which was THE hottest acne relief at the time, due to a large number of celebrity endorsements. I know the girl thought she was being nice and doing a good deed, but I threw the bottle in my locker and cried in the bathroom for the rest of the day. Worst of all, my Dad (who has also struggled with adult acne), thought my crisis wasn’t a big deal, and took the bottle for himself.

In high school, I discovered Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, and was really obsessed with Cobain’s quote in a Sassy Magazine article where he proclaimed “zits are beauty marks.” I wrote it over and over in my journals and on my mirror. I felt less alone when I discovered the My So Called Life episode where Angela Chase deals with acne. By high school I developed a pretty strict acne routine and tried almost everything I could get my hands on.

I still have a nightly skin routine I follow. Age has helped my acne struggles a bit, but I can’t completely rid myself of it. In fact I’ve almost completely stopped trying to rid myself of acne. I have also come to the conclusion that the pimples are not my biggest issue, it is the way acne is discussed and portrayed in the media, causing negative messages to be indoctrinated into our ways of thinking.

I like talking to people about their acne routines and remedies but I would really much rather discuss how to reform discussion about acne. What can we tell the younger generation about it to properly show acne isn’t the reason to skip school or decline plans out of embarrassment? Even today, I told one of my best friends to tape that picture above to his drum set so he could pound directly at my zits. The fact I’m still speaking and thinking this way about my acne is NOT okay. Are there even media outlets that exist these days which promote a healthy viewpoint concerning acne, instead of only limiting attention to skin routines or quick make up cover ups? Let’s start this discussion, if not!

zits are beauty marks. thank you, Kurt.

trash by taylor

dreams

 

I was absolutely CRAZY about dream analysis as a kid. There was a period of time where I wouldn’t start my day until I looked up key terms about my dreams on the internet; I HAD to know what it meant if I was having a baby on a baseball field! I have always been interested in finding hidden meaning in absolutely everything, which is exactly why I am writing this post about the dream I just woke up from.

I’ve generally never had trouble remembering my dreams. I often write them down if my journal is in reach, or I text someone as quickly as I can if I dream about them. I dream in color, and I remember the last time I had a dream in black and white was in the sixth grade. I still have the dream analysis book from middle school that told me it was rare to dream in color. Ever since then, I’ve tried to keep a better grip on my mind.

My dream this morning consisted of two parts. The first, I was in a cool media store with my best friend, who was playing an old video game while wrapped in a blanket; I don’t think I have ever seen him play a video game in the four years I’ve known him. I have dreams where I am digging through a vintage thrift store quite often, and I’m always looking for Spice Girls memorabilia because I’ll always hang on to a memory of being in Target circa 1997 and beginning my collection for the first time.

The next part of the dream is why I think it’s worthy of analysis, and relevant to my current situation, I guess. I was dancing around in my grandparents’ backyard, and it was as if I was watching myself do it. I was completely carefree (HA.) and threw myself on the ground after I got too tired of dancing. I made note of the sticks that were caught in my hair but decided to let them stay- something I wouldn’t do in real life! The next thing I knew, several people began walking out of my grandparents’ house, dressed in extremely fancy attire, and it quickly hit me I was supposed to be at A THING. I was supposed to be in my Sunday best DOING SOMETHING.

I then rushed up to a really fancy lady and started apologizing profusely for the sticks in my hair and dirt on my face. She told me it was okay, but sort of looked twice at me, wondering HOW I could have possibly forgotten the fancy event. I think my Granny sort of gave me a “you’re doing this AGAIN?” type of look. Apparently dream Taylor is fond of getting dirty and missing commitments.

I woke up with a ton of questions. I’m going through what I would call a “post grad limbo period” where I absolutely do not have an answer for the “what’s next” question so please don’t bother asking. Keeping this in mind, I’m wondering if I’m extremely worried about missing opportunities because I’m not sure what is coming next. Is it more comfortable to fall and get my face dirty than to spend a lot of time having my hair done so I can go to events, as if they would bring some sort of importance to my life, or speak to some hidden desire for status. It’s definitely embarrassing sometimes to feel like I am the only one who is confused during this limbo period.

I also saw a cat in the window. I also think too much about everything, and perhaps my desire to analyze my dreams from a young age is a reason why I think too much about everything. Who knows? Dreams are weird. Hopefully my teeth won’t REALLY fall out.